Chances are, you’ve never seen a caterpillar like this one before. This particular caterpillar has never established itself in North America, and local state and federal agencies want to keep it that way. See, this caterpillar isn’t your run of the mill caterpillar. Nope, this caterpillar is going to grow up and turn into a devastating (albeit cute and Pokémon-esque) Asian Gypsy Moth.
Asian Gypsy Moths are hungry bitches. They eat everything and could obliterate the entire Pacific Northwest’s environment and kill our economy. Unlike its cousin, the European Gypsy Moth, Asian Gypsy Moth females are active fliers, capable of flying 20+ miles. The Asian variety, therefore, could quickly spread through the entire United States – wreaking havoc like some sort of zombie apocalypse. Well, wouldn’t you know it, they caught one of these slut Asian Gypsy Moths just a few blocks away from me near the Port of Vancouver and now everyone is freaking the fuck out. This one little moth cunt probably hitched a ride on a container ship coming from Russia, China, or Japan (places that Asian Gypsy Moths run rampant) and decided to set up camp in my backyard.
So guess what I get to deal with the next several days? Yep, you guessed it, planes dropping BTK pesticides (a naturally occurring bacteria fatal to caterpillars when consumed) every morning because it’s feared that this little harlot moth may have laid billions of bastard eggs in my neighborhood. I raise my middle finger to you moth bitch. #youcantsitwithus