I’m sure you’ve all heard the awesome news that came out of Utah recently. Out of nowhere, gay marriage became legal and hundreds of marriages have been performed every day since. While there have been plenty of celebrations, it seems like the attorney general is pissed. He has been meddling in his office devising a scheme to thwart this ruling. His plan? To spend $2,000,000 hiring outside counsel to fight Judge Shelby’s ruling. So Mr. Attorney General Sean Reyes, I have a few questions for you:
- $2 million dollars. How exactly did you come up with that amount? Are you hiring Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. (you know he doesn’t exist, right?)
- $2 million is a lot of money. Are you sure you want to spend all of that tax-payer money on fighting something that is inevitably going to be legalized nationwide? I’m so happy that I’m not in Utah any more “donating” towards your evil cause.
- Do you realize that you look like a giant douche nozzle?
- Do you remember in history class when you learned about the business owners that wouldn’t allow blacks into their establishments after the civil rights movement? We all look back now and shake our heads in disbelief. You know we will all be doing the same thing to you in a decade?
- Do you have any friends or family members that are gay? If not, you really should try to be more diverse. If you do, go and get to know them. Then go tell them how hard you are working to treat them like 2nd class citizens.
- Have you thought about listening to the advice of Gene Davis, the Senate Minority Leader? He thinks that outside attorneys are unnecessary. “I think it’s a ridiculous way to go. I don’t think we’re going to win,” Davis said. “I believe we have appropriated the money for the attorney general’s office for good attorneys to be able to argue any issue.” It’s good to know that someone out there has some common sense. Plus, as I stated previously, $2 million dollars is a lot of money.
- Do you really need to hire from the outside? Hiring outside counsel makes you look like you can’t fight your own fights. It also makes it look as though you don’t have anyone in Utah who is experienced or smart enough to deal with this issue.
Ya know, maybe I should give Mr. Reyes the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Mr. Reyes is super gay friendly and would love for gay marriage to continue. Perhaps he is being pressured by the church, or by the citizens of Utah, or by his political party. If that’s the case, I certainly don’t envy the position he is in right now.
In any case, I’d like to offer the best of luck to my gay friends in Utah. I’m crossing my fingers that the celebrations will continue and that the happiness you are feeling will spread throughout the rest of the nation. One day we’ll look back and laugh at the ridiculousness that we had to go through to get the same rights as all of our straight friends. We are on our way. We are almost there. What an exciting time to be alive.