See that guy there? That’s my buddy Tim. He’s my mayor. Jealous? You should be. I mean, look at that killer bod! How is it that this guy is single?? I mean, seriously! Who wouldn’t want to tap that?? (sorry for the inappropriate honesty, Tim – I hope this doesn’t make things awkward the next time I go in for a hug/reach-around.)
Anyway, something really sad happened to him this past weekend… Some douche bag bandit in Portland broke into the Mayor’s car and stole a bunch of his stuff. What a dick move, right? The thieves took some cash, his iPod and charging cord (wait people still use those?), and some car wash coupons.
So I’m thinking of collecting a few things to give to our mayor during these hard times… it’ll be my way of giving back and feeling good about myself. But I don’t have everything I need. Does anyone have an old iPod and cord they want to donate? I’ll take care of the car wash coupons and I’ve got a few dollars in my wallet that I can donate. That should make him feel better, right? I mean, I really want him to feel better – we can’t have a sad sexy mayor.
If you wanna donate your janky old iPod that you never listen to, hit me up in the comments. In the meantime, good luck sexy mayor. I hope your fortunes turn around. Keep your chin up, I’ve got some car washes coming your way.