Alcohol is amazing! I started dabbling into the magical feeling of being drunk in my early 20’s. My first drink was a Mind Eraser that a friend got me after my shift ended at T.G.I.Friday’s in the late 90’s. Oh my God it was fabulous. We toasted to finishing our long day with terrible customers and gulped it down as quickly as we could. Within minutes, the room literally started to spin. I couldn’t stand up straight because the entire Earth had been thrown off balance. Gravity was leaning to the left for some reason, and I had to hold myself up using whatever sturdy object was nearest to me. It was like an amusement park ride that I didn’t want to end, so I had another drink. I don’t remember much else from that night, except for that when I closed my eyes in bed, it felt like I was on a boat in turbulent waters. I had fallen in love with alcohol.
Somewhere between that experience 15 years ago and now, alcohol had become an integral part of my life. My entire social scene was altered to surround myself with delicious drinks and other people who enjoyed them. I love drinking so much that I would choose to go to events based on whether or not alcohol would be present. Portland has been awesome in that regard, we have alcohol at Starbucks, movie theaters, First Thursday, Last Thursday, when you get your haircut, samples at the grocery store, happy hours, it is literally everywhere.
I love alcohol so much that I’ve decided to quit drinking. I’ve had a few rough nights recently where I would drink too heavily and do something stupid. I’ve damaged my relationship with Cody, I’ve ruined a few friendships, and I’ve most certainly embarrassed the people around me. I don’t want that anymore. I want to be social with friends and not use alcohol as a crutch for my social awkwardness. I want to enjoy my life and remember everything instead of blacking out several hours of the day. I want to repair the damage and rebuild the bridges that I selfishly burned to the ground. I want to live.
I’ve tried to quit drinking in the past, but I can’t seem to go more than 5 days of being sober. Today is my 5th day of sobriety, and I’m ready to keep going. If you see me around, check up on me. Make sure that I’m succeeding. Send me a text of encouragement. Congratulate me. Wish me luck.
*update* I discovered moderation. Hooray!!!