Ya know, I thought for sure that *name removed* was the one. THE ONE. We had a fairy tale romance, and for the most part, everything was pretty amazing. I was 100% sure we’d be married and live out the rest of our lives together. We made our relationship work for almost three years (my second longest relationship.) – and while most of it was magical and marvelous, something happened this last year that we were together. Somehow, we fell out of love. Now, I know this happens to a lot of couples. Every couple in the history of the universe has gone through Hell in one way or another. Some of them are able to work things out and they come out more in love than ever before. Others, on the other hand, simply give up because they can’t handle it. I thought for sure that what was happening to *name removed* and me was temporary and would go away with time. The last three months, however, got extremely difficult. It got so bad that we ended up dreading coming home to each other. I continued to hold on to hoping though… I thought for sure that things would work out and get better eventually, but *name removed* was done.
So now, I’m sitting here, alone… in a new apartment in Vancouver, WA. I share my new place with my handicapped kitten, a television, a computer desk, and a bedroom set (sans mattress – yep, I’m sleeping on the floor.) I’m 35 years old and I don’t have a mattress, a couch, or even dishes. I gave most of my things away when we moved out to Oregon a year and a half ago. God, I even got rid of all of my Christmas decorations with the exception of my fiber-optic snowman. *name removed* despised that snowman, like most of my things, but I put my foot down and kept him.
So now I’m going through this really dark period in my life. I started drinking again because, duh, and or hello. Hell, I’m even thinking about getting a Mazda Miata because – well hello midlife crisis. (I’m totally kidding about the Miada, btw. that’s just ridiculous.)
I’ve been in tougher places than I am now – (fuck you, high school bully). I’m going to bounce back from all of this fairly quickly. The friends/family that have known about what’s going on have been checking up on me daily. I’ve had a ton of support. I may be alone as far as location goes, but there are PLENTY of people out there who love me and have been sending love and support in various ways.
As for *name removed*… Well, he is an amazing guy and I love(d) him unconditionally. Even through this god-awful breakup, I have loved him. In fact, the day after he told me it was over, I ate a piece of humble pie and asked if maybe we could work on “us” via counseling, or whatever else it might take to rectify our relationship. I was ready to do whatever it would take to make things work. Unfortunately, he had made up his mind. Still, I will always love him. That’s what loving unconditionally means (he taught me that.) Now I have to find a way to transition my love for him as a partner into a different kind of love. It’s going to take time, but I’ll get there eventually.
In the meantime:
I’m going to shine bright like a diamond. I have a lot to offer this world and I’m not going to let all of this bring me down to the awful depths I’ve experienced in my past. After all, I’m kind of a big deal, right?! I intend on keeping that up. Besides, look at this amazing beard and glasses. OMG, right?